Nothing At All
by Cloud Albatou
Summary: AU:That Hitomi fell for Dilandau-sama in the middle of the war...and Van wasn't pleased about this so he went a little off the edge...song fic, one bad word, implied physical abuse, and dark. Another chap added due to everyone's encourgement^_~
1. Ending

A.n.-Heya, I hope you like this fic^_^This is a major AU too. ^_^Jus' lettin' ya know. Also, I know my spelling sucks but I doona have spell cheak on my comp. No flams please. I'll try to get this edited soon....but doona flame me okay? Alrighty then.   
  
Dissclaimer-I do not own Escaflowne or this song "All Or Nothing"By O'Town.  
  
Claimer-I do own this fanfic idea.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I know when he's been on your mind  
That distant look is in your eye  
I thought with time you'd relize  
Its over, over  
Its not the way I choose to live  
And somethin' somewhere   
has got to give  
Becouse sharen in this relationship  
Gets older, older  
  
I know you belive that I don't know. But I do, I always have. I saw the way you looked at him. Into those blood lusty ruby eyes that held a madness that everyone but you seemed to see. I knew then how much you loved him. But I choose to ignore that fact.   
  
What am I saying? I sought to kill him even more then before. I hunted him, for he haunted my dreams at night. Taunting me with the fact that he'd gained that which I never could. Your heart. The heart of the Seer of the Mystic Moon. The thought nearly drove me mad.  
  
The mere thought that he could have claimed any part of you, angered me beyound understanding. Even when he'd burnt my country to ashes I'd not felt such a fury...such...jealosy. Yes, mayhape thats what drove me to do it. But I felt within my rights to do so. After all, had I not been the one to find you first? To discover you and your boyish ways? Didn't that give me the right of ownership of you?  
  
Often i'll see you stareing off into the sky. Your face sad yet love shining in your eyes. Though I know that such love is not for me. No, but for that bastard of a Generel. I know naught what he did to you when you were captured in the attempt to rescue me from their clutches.   
  
Nor have I much of a desire to know. For all I need to know is that when we were able to reclaime you from their clutches you had changed. You recoiled from any touch what so ever. Wouldn't touch your food and even walked funny.  
  
Allen and I belived it was becouse you were tramatized. That they'd done unspeakble things to you to tarnish your lady pride. But then when we'd meet them agine in battle I'd seen the life return to your eyes and how you had stared at -his- red Gyemilth with wounderis gaze.  
  
Blatently you'd tried your best to be recaptured. Something the Heavenly Knight kept from happening. I'd been so distracted by it that I'd allowed myself to be cornered by that demon's men. It had been then you'd rushed forward and wraped your arms around that bastards neck.  
  
Without hesitation I rember how you'd kissed him hungrily. Pressing your body agenst his. I don't rember much of that momment. Only that that one show of affection made me feel ike i'd gone insane. Before I knew what had happened I'd ripped a sword from one of the red-eyed demon's men and charged at him.   
  
I rember seeing a fleeting amount of fear appear in his eyes before he shuved you aside. You landed on the ground with a cry of shock and pain. The cry had enraged me all the more. Ruthlessly i'd layed my blade agenst his. Fighting with all the passion that stired my blood.   
  
Behind me I felt the the Generel's soliders run forward, with a few manuevers i'd sent them sprawling to the ground. Dead or alive were they, I didn't care. All I cared was that the red-eyed demon died.   
  
  
You know I'd fight for you  
But how can I fight someone   
Who isn't even there  
I've had the rest of you  
Now I want the best of you  
I don't care if theirs nothing  
  
I was desperet to prove myself to you, mayhape to my pride as well. To show that I could kill him and take you as sweet prize. Ruthlessly we'd fought, all the while I could hear you screaming for us to stop. Screaming -his- name instead of mine!  
  
The mere sound drove me to hunger even more for his blood. Rage and hate controlled my every movement. Giveing me stength i'd never imagend. And in the end, I killed him. Even now I recall with abslout joy the feeling of my sword punging through his gut.   
  
How the blood had splurted from his lips. Red as the fire he loved so much. He'd gasped, but been unready to see himself die without giveing to me a wound as well. At that momment i'd been filled with such lust in seeing his death i'd been to distracted to feel his dagger slam into my chest. Missing my heart only becouse i'd twisted at the last momment.  
  
I'd turned my blade in his gut harder at that momment causeing the ruby-eyed one to gasp in sudden pain. His eyes glowed suddenly as you ran forward and threw yourself on him as he fell to the ground of my sword.  
  
You'd kissed him then, ignoreing the blood on his lips. I'd pulled you from him then. Pushing you so hard that you fell severel feet. It was then the demon and smiled wickedly at me.  
  
"Win..this...battle mayhapes, Fanel!"he'd spat between gasping breaths,"But I am the...winner. For..It is I who claimed her heart...and body. More...then..you ever can hope to!"  
  
He'd laughed then harshly before becomeing still. A sign that he was dead gone. Yet still His words I knew to be true, just as I do now. For I can see the love you still have for him.   
  
In a sudden rage you'd tried to kill me his fallen sword. I rember my cruel laughter as I'd wrenched the sword from you and hit you hard before grabing you into my arms.   
  
"Mine. Never think otherwise, my love. I killed him for you. Now we will be together."  
  
Harshly you'd spat your undieing hate at me. Still i'd laughed. I told everyone you'd gone a bit mad from being held captive and seeing such carnage. They belived it and I forced you to wed me. Claiming you in name to the people as well.   
  
You are mine, now and forever. I've taken your body many times since then. And i've seen the pitiying love in your eyes at times for me. That is all I need any way. After all, to have you proclaims me the most powerful man upon Gaea. For I hold the greatest power of Alantise. The Goddess Of Wings, The Seer. You.  
  
I'd kill that phantom that taunts your dream agine and agine if I could. I hate how you shout his name in love in your sleep. I've done my best to kill such dreams though. I know I share you with -him- every damn day. And I hate it.   
  
But still, I have you now. I've killed him and hold you in the palm of my hand. Wether you relize it or not.  
  
Becouse I want it all  
Or nothing at all  
Theres no where left to fall  
when you reach the bottem its now, or never  
Is it all  
or are we just friends?  
Is this how it ends  
With a telephone call  
You leave me here,   
With nothin' at all  
  
Many a time you have ran from my grasp, leaveing a letter on how you loath me and begging you not to follow. But every time i've found you. I always will. I own you, and I belive that on some level you know that.   
  
But I know that in a way, I don't. For I will never own your heart. Though, I do own your body. The proof of that is the son you I have sired from you. You love our son, Raven, more then the world. Though I can tell his resemblince to me disgusts you to no end.  
  
Not that you've ever said it. No, you never have. Fearing me mayhapes in a way. I've broken you, I know. Broken that beloved spirt of yours into a thouasand shards. Not that it matters all that much to me. I hold your power, and that is all I truely require.  
  
That and the knowlage that I have you under my power. In a way that bastard of generel never did.   
  
There times it seems to me  
The sharin' you will never end  
I feel it in my heart  
But I don't show it, show it  
Then theres times you look at me  
As though i'm all you can see  
Those times I don't belive its right  
I know it, know it  
  
Though, I know he possessed you more then I ever will. After all, he toke your innocence. A factor I will never, ever forget! That should have been mine! Mine I say! After all, I found you first. By forfeite it was mine!  
  
Don't make any promises  
Baby, you never did know how to keep them well  
I've had the rest you  
Now I want the best of you  
Its time to show and tell  
  
You promise, at times, to show to the public that you love me. For people's belife in that has waned some what. Not that you truely keep the promise. For I know how reluctent you are to feel my touch. Something I know I can change. That I willl change eventually.  
  
Becouse I want it all  
Or nothin' at all  
Theres no where left to fall  
when you reach the bottem   
its now or never  
  
I want you. All of you. Your heart and soul. The two things I've yet to have you relinquishe to me. A challange I have tried my hardest to overcome. Though I know I won't, I still try. After all, I am someone who dosen't give up at anything.  
  
I yearn for you regularly. For a tender embrace that sometimes you give. When we make love, funny way to put it I soppose, you close your eyes and barely respond. Though there have been nights when you've responded in ways that leave me breathless.  
  
Though one night I heard you call -his- name. And I knew that you were pictureing him while I touched you! The thought had filled me with fury and i'd struck you. Agine. And agine. And agine. Untill you lay in a broken heap on the ground. Bleeding and bruised. Tears swelling in your eyes as you'd swore undeing hatered for me.   
  
Not that I care. For I will one day possess you compleatly, Hitomi Kanzaki Seer of Gaea. That thought fills me with pleasure. For then, I will truely be the victor. And that is all that matters to me. After all, I am the most powerful man in Gaea.  
  
A thought that prevents any enemy from attacking. Those visions that still come to you has served me well in the past. And they will still do so. No matter how hard you try to keep them from me. For I know when they come. I have always known.   
  
That thought firm in mind I made my way toward our chambers where I know you'll be waiting. However reluctent you may be.  
  
Is it all?  
Or are we just friends?  
Is this how it ends  
With a simple telephone call  
you leave me here with nothin' at all  
  
On the way I can see the barely veilded anger and fear welling in my servents eyes. The look of black warnings I give is enough to make them bow their heads in fear.   
  
Do they know the truth, mayhapes? I hope not. I'd rather not have to kill them. After all, I can not allow the truth of our union to become public knowlage.  
  
Becouse you and I   
could lose it all   
if you've no more room  
inside  
For me and your love  
  
I paused outside our chambers. A twinge of sudden regreat ripping through me. In my own way, I do love you. Though I love the power you give me far more. I pass of the regreat, thinkning that its only beocuse I know you've no real room in your heart for me.   
  
Only for that ruby-eyed Generel whom I ran through with my sword. Absently I ran a hand across my chest. Where an ugly scar marrs my chest. Anger flushed through me that he'd actually had the audacity to touch me. Me of all people!  
  
I was always his better, not that he ever relized it. Still, he had payed the price for his actions. For both burning MY country to the ground and daring to touch you. To steal the heart that should belong to me and me alone.  
  
Becoue I want it all  
Or nothin' at all  
Theres no where left to fall  
Its now or never  
Is it all  
Or nothing at all  
  
My head held high I entered the chamber. Silver moonlight filled the room was the first thing that assulted my sight. It was then I saw you. You layed on the ground. A crimson pool of blood around your two wrists.   
  
I ran to your side, anger flushing through me. You'd tried this before, though i'd always been able to stop you. Though when I reached you I knew I was too late. The blood around you was still warm, yet your emereld eyes were duller then ever before. Blankly they stared up.  
  
Laying on your chest was a note. Slowly I picked it up and began to read.  
  
Theres nowhere left to fall  
When you reach the botem   
Its now or never  
Is it all  
Or are we just friends  
Is this how it ends  
Wiht a simple telephone call  
You leave me here  
With nothin' at all  
  
Van,  
  
You've taken from me the last time. 7 years ago you stole from me the only thing I'd ever wanted and loved. You toke the life of the man I loved more then anything in the world. May the gods forever punish you. If not, then the wish upon Alantise I made as I lay here dieing in bliss will. I hope you live out your life with as much pain as you've caused me. You tore from me the only thing I ever wanted in life. You've beatin and used me worse then anyone could ever do. Know this, Dilandau-ko was correct, Van Slazaer Fanel! You have lost, you lost when you first saw me as a mere object to be won. Soon the other lands will know the truth of what you have done. I have made sure of it. Your cruelty shall not go unpunished, Fanel! You killed Merel when you learned of her plans to rescue me from you. You tried to lock me away and force yourself into my heart. Once I held affection for you, Van, but you destroid it long ago. Never will you know peace, Van Fanel. I pledge it know I as my life blood slips away. Good bye for all eternity Van Fanel. May the gods damn your soul. Also, if you belive I've left my son to your mercy you are wrong. He is safe from your clutches forever as well. Hopefully, he will never know the blacknes that dwells in your soul.   
  
Goddess Of Wings, Lover of Dilandau Albatou only,   
  
Hitomi Kanzaki Albatou  
  
Or nothin' at all  
Theres nowhere left to fall  
When your each the bottem  
Its now or never  
Is it all  
Is are we just frineds  
is this how it ends  
with a simple telephone call  
You leave me here  
With nothin' at all  
  
Nothing at all.......  
  
  
The name you signed heated my blood with a fury. The anger quelled slightly as I looked upward and out at the shimmering Mystic Moon in the sky. A sudden emptness over toke me. My power source was gone, as was that intiment embrace of yours that I hungered for like a drug i'd become adicted to.  
Suddenly the angry shouts of my people reached my ears. In that moment I knew that your words had not been simply words. But foretelling that which I could not prevent. In that momment I knew i'd just lost everything.   
  
For without you, I lost the greatest power upon Gaea. And when the truth became known through out about the truth of our union...I shudderd slightly. With black anger sweeping threw me I rose from the the kneeling position i'd had next to your dead body.   
  
Vacantly I dropped the note and walked to the balcony. An upriseing had come. Soon they would charge the castle in search of me. Only I would deni them the pleasure. And in the end, I would deni your spirt of triumph. For even in death I will win.   
  
I lifted my sword out of its sheath at my hip and poised to jam it through my heart. My hands trembled violently in fear. My flesh broke out into a cold sweat at the mere thought of what I was doing. I am not a coward, I chanted inwardly, I can do this!  
  
Suddenly the doors to my chambers busted in and there stood my 'loyal' knights. They toke one look at you dead on the floor then at me and my sword. Numb I didn't move. The scean seemed so unreal. So absurd. As though it wasn't happening.   
  
Suddenly I felt a great force hit my sword's blade. In my stuper I'd loosened my grip so much that it fell from my nervless fingers at the impact. I felt my face pale as they staked toward me. Two grabbed my arms, another holding a dagger at my throat.   
  
At that secoud I thought I could hear the combination of yours and -his- laughter. Mocking laughter.   
  
For I had lost everything.  
  
  
Prounceing the demon and you the victors.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A.n.-Hiya, I hope ya liked the fic. Also, I know the fic may not go all that well with song. I know its mainly for a guy loveing a girl who loves another but also the guy too. But when I heard the song and I thought about Dilandau, Hitomi, Van triangle this popped into mind. I know Van probbaly seemed like a humongase jerk in this fic...but really...he just strikes me more as the type to act in the manner above then the rest of the Escaflowne cast. I hope you liked my fic, please review. Also, I dinna run spell cheak yet. But don't have it on my comp and i'm currently searching for a site that has one so I can use it. 


	2. Memories

A.n.-Well, ya'all asked for it and here it is. The story behind the one shot song fic^_^I hope you all like it. Also, it will be told mostly from Hitomi p.o.v. unless I get some weird stroke of insperation to write in someone eles p.o.v. dureing the fic.^_^Enjoy :)  
  
  
Dedication-Porcelain Doll and a Cigarette, Esca Chick, Lightning Wolf, Mystic Moon, Fitz20, MagicMan, and ZEmpress  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The velvote night sky was sparkled brightly at me with the stars like silver dust, though the Mys--...the Earth over shadowded them in brightness this night. Were they cheering for me? For the momment i've finaly gained my freedom?  
  
I chuckled softly, only to rais my fingers to my lips in suprise. How long had it been since such a sound had come from me? I don't know...Years? Decades? More? Time really had no meaning for me any more. What was the point in counting meaningless hours and days when it was only time wasted in the hellish gilded cage i'd been thrust into.  
  
The only real reason I had for liveing was ripped from me so cruely...without true cause or reason. I had nothing left. Nothing, the only reason i've lasted as long as I have, I belive, is becouse of my son Raven. My wonderful, sweet son. He is perfect in every way, except for the fact that he was spawned from that bastard of a man Van Slanzer Fanel.  
  
But my son was safe from Him. Hai, I had already made certine of that. My personal servents and Friends from inside Fanalia knew the truth of their ruler and had taken my son into hideing with them. At 7 years of age he's very mature for his age. He can take the throne untill the Rite of Dragon Slaying comes onto him. But he will survive it. I know it. I have seen it. He will be happy, he will live a much happier life without that sick twisted jackass of a father at his side. And he will survive without me. He will understand this is the only way for me to regain some form of happiness.   
  
He knows the true story of the Destiny Wars, and he dosen't blame me for falling for the the Great Genral of Zeibock. He still loves me. And hates his father for what he did to me. Raven, I love you more then both worlds...but I know I cannot stand to live each day with out Him by my side any more. Freedom is in my reach, and I will not let it go. Never.  
  
I layed down on the silken floor, my suicide note laying on my chest. A peice of my revenge. Revenge upon that bastard of a King for striping me of my dignity, my freedom, my love, and basicly my entire life. Vaugly I felt my eyes narrow into slits. Oh yes he will pay. He is damned both in this life and the next. And such is barely enough punishment for him in my eyes. For what that blasted King did is unforgiveble. I've seen his ending through my visions, made wishes upon Alantess to insure his demise. To insure that he will pay for his sins.  
  
Raven will be safe from his influence now and forever also. I sent him away with some of the servents this night. He should be in hideing by now. At least this way He will never lay eyes on him agine. I closed by eyes a small smile takeing my lips. I'm so close to being free...and theirs not a damn thing that blasted King can do to stop it. By the time he finds me I'll of long since departed this world. And mayhape i'll be reunited with my love.   
  
I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I'd give anything, anything just to see Him agine. To see those deep ruby eyes, just one more time. I opened my eyes, half-heartedly searching for what I desired. He wasn't there...but then...I wasn't really expecting him to be. Close my eyes I breathed deeply of the warm air before re-opening my eyes.  
  
Glanceing down I stared at the crimson blood reflecting in the moonlight at me. Red. Brilliant dark red...though not quiet as deep a red as His eyes always were. Those ruby depths could shine so much warmth....though it was rare anyone ever saw it....but I did...I rembere how we first meet. It seems like an eternity ago really. I closed my eyes agine...and...rembered............  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A.N-K, we stop there for now I'll have the actuall chap about how it all started soon so doona worry!^_~Also, doona forget to review to tell me if I really should add more....^_~ 


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